I'm going to hop on the train- feel a little bad asking you to another post but could you tell us what you've learned from ISFJs? Thanks
Don’t feel bad. ISFJs are some of my favorite people. I’m blessed to have had one as a best friend for 15 years. =)
You can build new memories with each unique experience. Each day is a new, glorious opportunity to create a new moment to treasure forever. Look for ways and opportunities to make it special. Learn to value each interaction and person you meet, and record these moments for future enjoyment.
Better a kind word that brings a smile than a harsh word that creates pain. Some things (the important things that can save someone from harm) can be said with gentleness. Other things never need said at all.
Each day can be filled with delight if you look for the small things. If you rush too much, you will miss the ladybugs of life. Learn to notice and appreciate the world around you, because it will not be the same tomorrow as it is today.
A world of comfort lies in your senses. Your room should be a haven for you, filled with the things you love that can bring you joy. When you decorate it, focus on how each thing makes you feel, in how you respond to it; fill it with soft, delightful things, a favorite blanket to wrap up in on a cold day. And when you read a book, brew a cup of tea or hot chocolate or bring lemonade. These small things can build a sense of contentment in you.
You can increase the pleasure, with attentiveness to the details. A picnic is so much more delightful with decorated food lids. These small details, the name cards, the party favors, the special wrapping paper, tell people that you love them enough to make an occasion special for them.
Better to love and lose, than never love at all. Life is full of hardship, but if you love someone or something, it’s easier to bear. So don’t be afraid to love.
I admire: their quiet, tender heart, their deep wish to make those they care about happy, their never-ending loyalty to their friends and family, their need to immerse themselves in sensory solitude once in awhile, their love of books, movies, and music, and their gracious compliments.
As an ISFJ, I notice that I'm an emotional sponge. I "soak" up all the emotions of the people I'm around and unconsciously mirror their feelings in my demeanor. If I'm around someone that is worried, their stress becomes my own even if I wasn't feeling that before I came in contact with them. I would like emotional distance from people, but I think Fe demands that I have a heightened sense of the emotions of the group. How can I be around others and not be an emotional chameleon?
I have noticed this a great deal in IXFJs. It can be good in the sense that someone else’s positive mood can rub off on them… and bad, because I have sometimes seen the IXFJ start to hate something they loved, because a person close to them hated it, trashed it, and changed their mood about it.
(All feelers can suffer from this to a degree – especially if you rate high on the ‘affability’ scale, which means you have an overall pleasant approach to others.)
You have already won half the battle by realizing you do this, and wanting to change. Next you need to become aware of it as it is happening, and learn to detach enough to ask yourself, “Am I feeling this… or are they?” To realize you are a separate entity from this person, that you can choose whether or not to allow their emotions to influence yours (you have Si as a barrier to help you, which you can activate through asking detail-driven questions to understand their mood and perhaps force them to be objective in the process, pausing to examine your past interactions with this person, and maybe to recognize a pattern of behavior or a certain dynamic between you), and analyze things (Ti) as they happen, rather than allowing other’s moods to “overwhelm” you.
You can also shape the emotional mood around you, rather than being reactive – choose to be proactive, and if the mood is bleak, focus on how you can uplift that person (provided they are receptive and really do want help). The strength of Fe is understanding and shaping complex personal dynamics within the group – you are terrific at sensing / feeling them, now learn to USE them. Healthy Fe-doms are very good at shaping the mood of a group, by setting a strong and positive emotional standard. You can learn similar techniques.
Since you are an ISFJ, I’m guessing some people’s moods influence you more than others – your beloved family and close friends, maybe? The people you most care about? Typically, emotional detachment is higher with total strangers, those you do not like, or those you do not know well than those in whom you wholeheartedly invest your emotions. Being emotionally engaged with those people is not wrong or bad – they are “your tribe,” and it’s common to be emotionally influenced over those we most love or care about. This is where my advice to step back and think about (analyze) it will be harder. But unless you are reasonable about others, you cannot see them clearly.
The next time someone you care about goes into an emotional meltdown – give yourself some space, leave the room for a few minutes, go somewhere, shut the door, and work through your feelings / reach a point where you can analyze what just happened and whether it’s rational for you to be upset with them. In the case of “worry” … anxiety is an emotional response. How do you counter an emotional response? With logic that “comforts.” If it’s a problem, what are the ways you can solve it? Fix it? Lay out steps to help the other person be proactive?
The human mind does not like uncertainty or indecision. Until you make a choice, you are “stuck” in limbo. You cannot make these six decisions, until you make THAT decision. Decisions build on one another. You can combat anxiety – your own and other people’s (if they will listen) through decisions. A leads to B, which makes C inevitable. Suddenly it’s not so scary anymore, because you have a plan. You may deviate from the plan, but your mind can calm down for awhile. :)
how do you tell the difference between Ne sharing and Fe sharing? and I've read that ideas stick easily to high Ne and that Fe is affected by other people's emotions and ideas, so how to tell if changing opinions quickly is because of Ne or Fe?
Ne’s speak through ideas, Fe’s speak through emotions.
Ne’s tell you about their dreams and the psychology book they just read; they are excited to hear what you have to say and if any of your ideas align with or contradict what they just read; they speak with such enthusiasm about ideas, other people may think they have far more of an emotional investment in those ideas than they actually do. It’s a bit like a puppy with a bone. It’s great, he loves it … and then he sees a bigger bone, and drops the first without a second thought. The first bone may or may not catch his attention ever again. Ne’s can seem out of touch with reality due to their idealism – their Ne teaches them to see an ‘ideal,’ the absolute greatest potential something can reach (a perfect person, a perfect day, a perfect concept) and they want to believe it’s possible. So they give idealistic advice. They push people to try their hardest. And their standards may seem unattainable as a result. But as a friend of mine said, “We’re all in the gutter… but some of us stare at the stars.” Watch them. Their IDEAS change.
Fe’s tell you about their emotional interactions, their desire for unity, their reactions to things, how they feel about the ethics of this or that, the behaviors they will and will not tolerate, what they believe, and can be incredulous when others do not have the same standard of ‘emotional openness’ that they do. They try to merge with you, to include you, to be in harmony with you. If they change, their emotions change – not necessarily their ideas – and it’s often because they saw something from your perspective and it seems wrong to them not to see you as an equal and treat you with respect, even if they disagree. Depending on the level of health / development, this can manifest in Fe ‘pushing’ a moral concept on you or trying mightily to change your mind (since that you do not agree bothers them); or in being weak, and more desirous of harmony or inclusion, so their values shift based on the stronger voices in the group.
In short:
Ne: changes their mind because a better idea came along
Fe: changes their mind due to a persuasive argument or external pressure
Hi Charity! I’m sorry for asking this through the ‘Submissions’ text-box, but I don’t have a Tumblr account and I’ve noticed a couple of people doing the same thing lately, so I hope that it’s okay…?
It’s fine. :)
I’ve been actively reading about type and cognitive functions for the past couple of years, and I’ve noticed something that regularly happens in the small circle I discuss type with. Essentially, whenever a character has a vision or goal, it is decided that they are an intuitive character. For some characters this is obviously the case, otherwise there wouldn’t be a Sensor/Intuitive binary. For others though, Se-dom becomes Ne and Si-dom become Ni-dom the moment they state that they have a goal or vision, begin developing some kind of plan or try to instigate change.
It’s because of the stupid bias online (and elsewhere) that sensors can’t be smart, so if a character shows even a hint of intelligence, creativity, or a plan that includes the future, they must be an intuitive, since sensors all live in the moment and never think about the future. ;)
The best examples of the Se/Ne discussion come from anime, sorry – Mello from Death Note and Eren Jaeger from Attack on Titan, though Harley Quinn can appear to be an ENFP to some people. Some examples of the Si/Ni discussion off the top of my head are Cersei, Sansa and Maergary from Game of Thrones.
I can’t speak to anime, but Harley Quinn as an ENFP baffles me, when she’s clearly all about immediate impact for future benefits (Se/Ni axis). I guess you could make a very weak argument for inferior Si with her relationship with Joker (she’s in an abusive relationship just because she’s always been in it)… but you’d still need idealistic, ideas-stick-to-me-like-glue Ne-dom and I don’t see it.
Cersei… I am considering Ni/Se simply because I’ve realized that her methods are out of sync with the world around her in a way that Si/Ne is not, and she is clearly able to think significantly ahead (the finale this year was a good example, where she and Euron had obviously planned what to do in several scenarios in advance, and she resolutely absolutely refused to deviate from those plans even when she ‘faked’ it – which indicates a poor Se imbalance, and lack of fearful inferior Ne that would be freaked out, thinking of the 5,000 things that could go wrong with the White Walker invasion on her doorstep). Other examples include her attempts to be significant / take a leadership role, in a male-dominated hierarchy, as if she somehow expected to be allowed to do so, even though no woman had been allowed to do so in the past – sort of a Ni-dom idealism in play, and a lack of Si-awareness of ‘how things work.’
Show Sansa is such an SFJ I’m not sure how anyone could see her different. I know I typed her ISFJ (I think?) here but I’m fairly sure she’s an ESFJ in the grip sometimes, because she’s so assertive of her feelings and suspicious of everyone’s motives. She references her own subjective experiences 24/7, and denies anyone else knowing people ‘as well as I do’ because she lived through things they did not, which hints at a strong / dominant Si-tendency to filter everything through her perception of what happened, rather than what happened.
Margaery… I have seen good Ne/Te loop arguments, but I think she uses Fe so convincingly she must have it in her stack, so ESFJ seems right. She has a plan to sit on the throne, yes, but she goes about it through the traditional channels – unlike Dany, who decides to just TAKE it, Margaery thinks, “How does one become powerful? How have others done it? They married the king and became the queen, and won over the populace. I’ll do that.” Unlike Cersei, she does not invent a new path to the throne, she just walks in the time-honored one established by centuries of queens – to great success. There’s a sensor for you: they get things done, because they don’t need to reinvent the wheel to get what they want, they just go get it.
I’m open to discussion about type, and recognize that you can’t always get it right the first time, but often the Sensor function in the new type is often explained in very lazy ways – Si is linked to a grudge, bad memories and someone staying with someone past the time they should leave; Se is basically they implement their plan in the real world through observation and they like to be active.
Sadly, yes, this has become the case… because a lot of N’s are into typology due to it being an abstract theory, and because their own sensing is so poor, they are just describing ‘behaviors’ they see in people they ASSUME are sensors rather than having a deep understanding of how healthy, normal, high-functioning sensory functions work.
Si is a perspective of reality that focuses on bringing inner meaning from sensory experiences and a desire not to deviate from personal experience, which then feeds into a greater collective understanding of something (Ne).
Se is an objective perception of reality that focuses on the events themselves, unfiltered except to form intuitive (Ni) conclusions based on hunches or to take actions calculated for future impact.
Si/Ne axis wants to be meticulous and construct knowledge in a way that could be included in future text books, it is that detailed. Se/Ni axis wants to take swift action for future impact, and focuses intently on the object to derive personal meaning from it.
I’m not certain of my own type as yet, but I’ve been stuck on the idea that I’m a Sensor because I feel that sense of doom when things start to get stressful, and I become paralyzed and unsure what move to make to leave the situation. I’ve struggled through anxiety, and admit that that may color my interpretation of my type, but it is difficult to be sure when there seems to be a lack of consistency in the information about sensors, and, while there may be more of them in the world, there does not appear to be the same quantity of them online.
General anxieties about the future do not always have to be a low intuitive function; rather, you should focus on whether you are more inclined to perceive the details of an object, concept, or idea (S) before you consider the broad implications, or more inclined to focus on the broad picture than the details (N). S types are more interested in DOING, whereas N types often just THEORIZE. This is why an ISFP would probably get in their boat and go help the flooding victims from the hurricane (affirmative action) while an INFP would be more likely to raise money for their relief (concern conceptualized through sharing the idea of people’s suffering) – that’s a broad example.
It becomes frustrating when examples of characters of a certain type, notably Si-doms and Sensing-Feelers, suddenly seem to change in the eyes of some people because their character has a goal or has been allowed to develop. The remaining characters at the end of type discussions that often remain Si-doms in the eyes of the group are the side-kicks, the personal assistants or the character that is eventually ‘saved’ from their situation by someone else and never by their own means. Se-doms are the badass side-kicks or the friend who never plans anything and comes in as comic relief at random intervals. I enjoy providing practical help to the people around me, but… Seriously?
Instead of changing their type, you should consider that the character is developing lower intuitive functions. Sansa, for example, was not cunning or intuitive on her own merit, but learned how to think that way from Littlefinger (God rest his poor, angst-ridden soul)… and she will never reach his levels. Just sayin’. When people assign intuitive types to characters based on very small margins or details, it says more about them and their negative bias against sensors than it does the character.
Though, I will take issue with Se-doms as the sidekicks. They are most action heroes… in… well, everything from cop shows to big-screen blockbusters. ESTPs are the most popular go-to in those formats. ;)
Would it be possible for you to write a little about differences in character development for Sensor/ Intuitive dominants, where the character makes changes themselves? Also, I know that you’re a bit of a history buff, so I was wondering whether you know of any Si-/Se-dom leaders that subvert this trend? That were able to take charge and make change through their own agency, for a goal or vision.
In real life, healthy people learn from their mistakes. In good fiction, characters should learn from their mistakes, grow, and be different at the end of the series or film than at the first, provided it allows for character development. This is why James Cameron is a good filmmaker; he does not write the best scripts, but his characters are never quite the same at the end of the story as the beginning. They overcome hangups, learn to put aside their prejudices, or connect to a deeper truth and abandon their old life for something new.
These are not all sensor dominants, but they are worth mentioning:
Jake (ISTP) in Avatar learns to connect to his Ni, through interaction with the deeply spiritual natives; he comes to respect their beliefs and yearn for a deeper connection to nature. He chose this, once he encountered it. (Neytiri (ESFP) must also overcome her prejudices toward Jake.)
Elijah (ISFJ) in The Vampire Diaries and The Originals must learn to put the past behind him in order to embrace a greater future; he comes to acknowledge that his blind devotion to his ‘family’ endangers himself and them, and he makes the choice to sever some of those ties so he can find happiness. At the same time, Hayley (ESTP) learns to put aside her roaming nature, and find comfort in having a stable ‘family’ unit – both with Elijah and the wolf pack; and Klaus (ENTJ) finally comes to terms with his volatile emotions and learns that a knee-jerk violent reaction (poor Se/Fi) is not often the right answer.
Probably the most visionary, influential Se-dom leader that comes to my mind was Winston Churchill, who foresaw the perils of Hitler and went out of his way to protect his nation, recruit foreign aid (he popped a bottle of champagne open when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, because he said “We have won the war… the Japanese have awakened the sleeping giant”), and to enforce what he believed were positive policies after the war ended. People need to remember that Se/Ni can have a vision, and anyone can have goals, regardless of type – how they achieve their goals defines their cognition.
I’m afraid I can’t think of a Si-dom leader offhand that entirely bucked tradition, but I’ll be on the lookout for one.
Thank you for reading :-) Your time and effort put into this blog is really appreciated, and has helped me greatly in my own typing journey, as I’m sure it has many others.