Confessions of an ISFJ

Confessions of an ISFJ

Posts tagged “isfj”

ISFJ User Manual

theisfj:

excell-entj:

galafael:

This manual is part of a series of guides originated by @intpboard!  

Congratulations! You have come under the care of your very own ISFJ unit, probably because you needed help with a task and they needed an excuse to procrastinate.  They have offered you this manual in a simple attempt to assist you.  You should be pleased that they have chosen you to benefit from their helpful nature!

Your ISFJ unit will come equipped with the following accessories:

One (1) large cup of coffee (refillable)

Four (4) extra jackets to give you if you are cold

Two (2) semi-fancy outfits

Three (3) casual outfits, one of which they strongly prefer

One (1) calendar to keep track of important dates

One (1) coffeepot, for refilling coffee cup

Three (3) grandiose, altruistic life paths

One (1) large dog

Infinite (∞) support, patience, work ethic, and enthusiasm

Software:

Your ISFJ will come preprogrammed with the following traits:

Si: Your ISFJ will often be preoccupied with thoughts about the world and people around them, and may zone out during these times.  Don’t be alarmed – this is normal.  They are just gathering information about their surroundings, processing their impressions, and filing everything away in the proper place. Disturbing them during this process will often result in blank stares and confusion.

Fe: This trait is activated only when necessary, following the processing phase. After your ISFJ has updated with the gathered information, you will find them very interactive, friendly, and helpful! They contain a special chip which makes them particularly intuitive and responsive to all your feelings and needs, as well as overly willing to assist you in anything you may need.

Ti: Occasionally, instead of Fe following the processing phase, your ISFJ will need to withdraw and spend time deeply analyzing the information gained.  This trait allows them to balance their people pleasing side with their analytical side.

Ne: The weakest trait of the ISFJ, Ne works with Fe to prod the ISFJ into trying new things.  It is also responsible for their occasional bursts of creative ideas and plans! However, it is only able to activated for fleeting periods of time; pushing an ISFJ too far out of their comfort zone for too long will cause them to revert to the withdrawn, silent behavior that characterizes their original information-gathering mode.

Getting Started:

When you first start up your ISFJ, do not be alarmed by their silence! The first stage of ISFJ programming requires distant observation, which allows them to gather information about their surroundings!

1. Place included cup of coffee in your ISFJ’s hand.

2. Set them on a bench in a busy location.

3. Allow your ISFJ to charge by observing details about the situation.

4. If step 3 does not work, place included dog on leash and hand leash to ISFJ; Fe mode should trigger when ISFJ is approached about dog.

5. If your ISFJ still doesn’t start, announce a task with which you need assistance.

Modes:

Selfless Giver (default) – In this mode, ISFJs will jump at any opportunity to help others, regardless of their own schedule or plans.  They will never complain about this type of service.  Even if they do not want to help you, they will – regardless of any inconvenience it may cause them.  Taking advantage of this mode too often will result in an unhealthy ISFJ that will shut down in response to future requests.

Nature Lover - Activated when outside in nature settings.  ISFJs love nature, particularly the solitude and silence they can find there.  This allows them to process information without the interference of additional information.  They are likely to bring you outside with them, in an effort to help you silence your mind as well – even if this is not your idea of fun, please be patient. They are just trying to help you.

Humble - Activated in response to any type of praise.  ISFJs prefer to downplay their own accomplishments, as they are uncomfortable with overwhelming praise.  This often results in their successes being claimed by others, which upsets the balance of the ISFJ and often triggers Clowning mode to hide anger and disappointment.

Observer - Activated in busy situations/places. Your ISFJ will be content to sit back and watch the action around them.  Although they will be lightly conversational, attempting to engage them more deeply will not be successful – they are too busy processing their surroundings.

Clowning - ISFJs are prone to self-deprecating jokes. They use this as a defense mechanism to hide their emotions. A shield of laughter is the best defense of all! To this end, they also find joy in puns, wordplay, and any unique jokes. Their sense of humor never ceases to surprise, so try not to be taken aback!  Activated most often around NF units.

Relationships with other units:

NFs: ISFJs have very close relationships with NFs, because they are both concerned with the care and well-being of the other.  The ISFJ also often balances the NF, who prefers an “outside the box” way of thinking to the more traditional views of the ISFJ.  NFs can also be too demanding of the ISFJ – they need to know when to let up or they will burnout their ISFJ unit.

NTs: NTs have a very strong drive and work ethic that the ISFJ greatly admires; in return, the NT admires the way ISFJs care so deeply for others.  This is a relationship that can produce a lot of mutual respect.  However, NTs are far more logical than ISFJs, who are more focused on emotions, and this can cause friction.

SJs: ISFJs get along very well with other SJs.  They are both responsible and trustworthy, as well as equally willing to take care of one another.  This creates a nurturing environment for the ISFJ that is very important for their health and security.

SPs: SPs are fun loving and carefree, capable of assisting an ISFJ with big plans, ideas, or experiences triggered by the Fe trait. However, the SP must recognize that the ISFJ has a limit and be respectful of that – if not, their wild, impetuous nature can quickly wear down an ISFJ.

Feeding:

When busy, an ISFJ will often forget that food is necessary. This is especially true when engrossed in a project that will help others or while bringing one of their ideas/adventures to life.  To properly care for an ISFJ, you must feed them at least once a day.  If they are resistant to stopping long enough to eat, tell them you are feeling hungry and allow them the option of preparing (or paying for) the meal – their overly kind nature will override their natural enthusiasm for work and in making sure you are fed, they will feed themselves as well.

Grooming:

Your ISFJ will groom on a regular basis, as it never knows when it will be called away to help someone else.  They will always keep themselves clean and their appearance tidy – they never want to call too much attention to themselves, so they groom and dress in a way that allows them to blend in.  You will not need to monitor this function for your unit, and you should leave it to the ISFJ to take care of at all times; insinuating that your ISFJ is untidy in any way will cause them to feel offended and could result in total shut down until you apologize.

Sleeping:

Your ISFJ unit will sleep regularly, as being well rested is necessary to support the enthusiasm with which they approach their day (whether their day is at school, at work, or being with others).  Despite this, they often need naps or a large amount of caffeine to keep running in Selfless Giver mode – this mode drains their energy very quickly.

Frequently Asked Questions:

How do I get my ISFJ to relax and take a break?

You don’t!  ISFJ’s are not capable of “relaxing” in the traditional sense.  During their dormant periods, their brains are still rapidly processing and filing information.  The word “relax” is foreign to them and will confuse them if mentioned too often.

Help! I lost my ISFJ!

Don’t worry!  ISFJs often need a break to recharge by going into one of the aforementioned dormant periods. They will reappear shortly!  If it has been more than three hours, brew a pot of coffee and wait.  The smell of coffee should bring your ISFJ out of dormancy.

My ISFJ does not like to try new things?  What do I do?

ISFJ units come with a preinstalled love of habit and familiarity. Attempting to change too much at once can lead to a complete crash if you are not careful!  To deal with this, introduce your ISFJ to new situations, places, and people very gently.  Be patient and they will adjust in time.  Their Fe and Ne traits will also occasionally activate and push them into trying something new – make sure you take their lead and do not over stimulate them. This will cause them to withdraw into dormancy and will require additional coffee to fix.

Again, congratulations on your newly acquired ISFJ helper unit!

(Thank you to @effervescience for all of her help in researching and writing this guide!  <3)

THIS IS ADORABLE

Lol, the trick to get an ISFJ to eat is so clever…I’m sure that would work on me - darn it.

22 People Share The One Thing They Wish The ISFJs In Their Lives Understood

infjedi:

1. “Thanks for being the most loyal people I know.” –ENFJ

2. “Bottling things up and refusing to let the people in your life know that you’re upset with them hurts infinitely more in the long run (for both you and the other person) than just sucking it up and talking it out does.” –ENFP

3. “Your wisdom is underrated.” –INTP

4. “Not everything is a challenge to your sense of duty. And it’s often more hurtful to sacrifice the needs of the many for the needs of the few (or the one). The martyr syndrome doesn’t always pan out.” -INFJ

5. “You are some of the most genuine and kind people in life. NEVER let anyone tell you that it’s a weakness.” –ENFJ

6. “Thanks for protecting me. Sometimes you drive me nuts with trying to protect me by getting my head out of the clouds, but I know your heart is in the right place. I love you.” –INFP

7. “Stop being so passive-aggressive. If you don’t like me, then tell me.” –ESFP

8. “You’re actually super goofy and creative, it makes you easy to talk to even though we don’t typically approach things from the same angle.” –ESTP

9. “Just because you are so damn sensitive doesn’t mean that everyone must comply with that.” –ISTP

10. “Your introversion is beautiful. You don’t need to be the life of the party to win hearts. Let people get to know you and they will undoubtedly fall head over heels.” –ENFP

11. “Try being your own person and creating your own life instead of absorbing your current significant other’s… be your own independent person!” –ENFP

12. “I appreciate the self-sacrificing, but if you tell me what you need, it can be a two way street. You don’t always have to give of yourself.” –ENFP

13. “I truly admire your ability to provide things for everyone without asking for anything in return.” –INFP

14. “You guys hold the world together, and I think you don’t realize quite how much we all depend on you. You’re fiercely loyal, humble and hardworking. Don’t let people take advantage of you. You will be able to give more over the course of your life if you can give freely from your heart, not from shame, guilt or obligation. Draw those boundaries now so that you can give from strength. You are worth loving deeply, I hope you know that.” –INFJ

15. “Being passive aggressive doesn’t make anyone want to be around you. If you’re unhappy, please just say so in a way that can bring about growth and change in both of us. Avoiding someone and then pretending to their face that everything fine does no one any good.” –ISTJ

16. “Change is a process that’s usually uncomfortable, and it’s okay to be uncomfy for some time because I’m sure with the right mindset, you might just be having the best time of your life.” –INFP

17. “It’s ok to open up to me, it’s ok to share your thoughts and feelings with me. I’m sorry if I get so caught up in imagining the future, that I forget the here-and-now and the details, and that sometimes I scare you.” –ENFP

18. “Please open up to me and let me get to know you. Please initiate friendship with me. I love other ISFJ’s, particularly ones who are as inquisitive and passionate as I am.” –ISFJ

19. “Do not feel guilty if you are not loving or giving enough. Your value does not come from how much you give to others.” –ENTP

20. “I’m sorry for not reminding you how treasured you are more often.” –INFJ

21. “It’s ok to voice your needs – in fact it’s better that way so I know how to accommodate you.” –INTP

22. “You are like warm cups of tea to my soul. Seriously, thank you so much for taking care of people in real, tangible ways.” –ENFP


Source

(via theisfj)

I'm going to hop on the train- feel a little bad asking you to another post but could you tell us what you've learned from ISFJs? Thanks

Answer:

funkymbtifiction:

image

Don’t feel bad. ISFJs are some of my favorite people. I’m blessed to have had one as a best friend for 15 years. =)

You can build new memories with each unique experience. Each day is a new, glorious opportunity to create a new moment to treasure forever. Look for ways and opportunities to make it special. Learn to value each interaction and person you meet, and record these moments for future enjoyment.

Better a kind word that brings a smile than a harsh word that creates pain. Some things (the important things that can save someone from harm) can be said with gentleness. Other things never need said at all.

Each day can be filled with delight if you look for the small things. If you rush too much, you will miss the ladybugs of life. Learn to notice and appreciate the world around you, because it will not be the same tomorrow as it is today.

A world of comfort lies in your senses. Your room should be a haven for you, filled with the things you love that can bring you joy. When you decorate it, focus on how each thing makes you feel, in how you respond to it; fill it with soft, delightful things, a favorite blanket to wrap up in on a cold day. And when you read a book, brew a cup of tea or hot chocolate or bring lemonade. These small things can build a sense of contentment in you.

You can increase the pleasure, with attentiveness to the details. A picnic is so much more delightful with decorated food lids. These small details, the name cards, the party favors, the special wrapping paper, tell people that you love them enough to make an occasion special for them.

Better to love and lose, than never love at all. Life is full of hardship, but if you love someone or something, it’s easier to bear. So don’t be afraid to love.

I admire: their quiet, tender heart, their deep wish to make those they care about happy, their never-ending loyalty to their friends and family, their need to immerse themselves in sensory solitude once in awhile, their love of books, movies, and music, and their gracious compliments.

- ENFP Mod

As an ISFJ, I notice that I'm an emotional sponge. I "soak" up all the emotions of the people I'm around and unconsciously mirror their feelings in my demeanor. If I'm around someone that is worried, their stress becomes my own even if I wasn't feeling that before I came in contact with them. I would like emotional distance from people, but I think Fe demands that I have a heightened sense of the emotions of the group. How can I be around others and not be an emotional chameleon?

Answer:

funkymbtifiction:

image

I have noticed this a great deal in IXFJs. It can be good in the sense that someone else’s positive mood can rub off on them… and bad, because I have sometimes seen the IXFJ start to hate something they loved, because a person close to them hated it, trashed it, and changed their mood about it.

(All feelers can suffer from this to a degree – especially if you rate high on the ‘affability’ scale, which means you have an overall pleasant approach to others.)

You have already won half the battle by realizing you do this, and wanting to change. Next you need to become aware of it as it is happening, and learn to detach enough to ask yourself, “Am I feeling this… or are they?” To realize you are a separate entity from this person, that you can choose whether or not to allow their emotions to influence yours (you have Si as a barrier to help you, which you can activate through asking detail-driven questions to understand their mood and perhaps force them to be objective in the process, pausing to examine your past interactions with this person, and maybe to recognize a pattern of behavior or a certain dynamic between you), and analyze things (Ti) as they happen, rather than allowing other’s moods to “overwhelm” you.

You can also shape the emotional mood around you, rather than being reactive – choose to be proactive, and if the mood is bleak, focus on how you can uplift that person (provided they are receptive and really do want help). The strength of Fe is understanding and shaping complex personal dynamics within the group – you are terrific at sensing / feeling them, now learn to USE them. Healthy Fe-doms are very good at shaping the mood of a group, by setting a strong and positive emotional standard. You can learn similar techniques.

Since you are an ISFJ, I’m guessing some people’s moods influence you more than others – your beloved family and close friends, maybe? The people you most care about? Typically, emotional detachment is higher with total strangers, those you do not like, or those you do not know well than those in whom you wholeheartedly invest your emotions. Being emotionally engaged with those people is not wrong or bad – they are “your tribe,” and it’s common to be emotionally influenced over those we most love or care about. This is where my advice to step back and think about (analyze) it will be harder. But unless you are reasonable about others, you cannot see them clearly.

The next time someone you care about goes into an emotional meltdown – give yourself some space, leave the room for a few minutes, go somewhere, shut the door, and work through your feelings / reach a point where you can analyze what just happened and whether it’s rational for you to be upset with them. In the case of “worry” … anxiety is an emotional response. How do you counter an emotional response? With logic that “comforts.” If it’s a problem, what are the ways you can solve it? Fix it? Lay out steps to help the other person be proactive?

The human mind does not like uncertainty or indecision. Until you make a choice, you are “stuck” in limbo. You cannot make these six decisions, until you make THAT decision. Decisions build on one another. You can combat anxiety – your own and other people’s (if they will listen) through decisions. A leads to B, which makes C inevitable. Suddenly it’s not so scary anymore, because you have a plan. You may deviate from the plan, but your mind can calm down for awhile. :)

- ENFP Mod

how do you tell the difference between Ne sharing and Fe sharing? and I've read that ideas stick easily to high Ne and that Fe is affected by other people's emotions and ideas, so how to tell if changing opinions quickly is because of Ne or Fe?

Answer:

funkymbtifiction:

image

Ne’s speak through ideas, Fe’s speak through emotions.

Ne’s tell you about their dreams and the psychology book they just read; they are excited to hear what you have to say and if any of your ideas align with or contradict what they just read; they speak with such enthusiasm about ideas, other people may think they have far more of an emotional investment in those ideas than they actually do. It’s a bit like a puppy with a bone. It’s great, he loves it … and then he sees a bigger bone, and drops the first without a second thought. The first bone may or may not catch his attention ever again. Ne’s can seem out of touch with reality due to their idealism – their Ne teaches them to see an ‘ideal,’ the absolute greatest potential something can reach (a perfect person, a perfect day, a perfect concept) and they want to believe it’s possible. So they give idealistic advice. They push people to try their hardest. And their standards may seem unattainable as a result. But as a friend of mine said, “We’re all in the gutter… but some of us stare at the stars.” Watch them. Their IDEAS change.

Fe’s tell you about their emotional interactions, their desire for unity, their reactions to things, how they feel about the ethics of this or that, the behaviors they will and will not tolerate, what they believe, and can be incredulous when others do not have the same standard of ‘emotional openness’ that they do. They try to merge with you, to include you, to be in harmony with you. If they change, their emotions change – not necessarily their ideas – and it’s often because they saw something from your perspective and it seems wrong to them not to see you as an equal and treat you with respect, even if they disagree. Depending on the level of health / development, this can manifest in Fe ‘pushing’ a moral concept on you or trying mightily to change your mind (since that you do not agree bothers them); or in being weak, and more desirous of harmony or inclusion, so their values shift based on the stronger voices in the group.

In short:

Ne: changes their mind because a better idea came along

Fe: changes their mind due to a persuasive argument or external pressure

- ENFP Mod

Avoiding Burnout as an ISFJ personality type

theisfj:

This article helped me.

___

“For far too long, it’s been my plan to get the work done, then rest, have friends over for game night, or take time for myself. You name it, I’ve been putting it off until the work is finished.

The work is never done.

There is always something more to finish, someone needing something, or someone who isn’t happy, no matter what you do. Taking time to take care of yourself makes you more productive and better able to care for those you love in the long run. Life is too short not to enjoy it a little!”

How would an inferior Ne present in an individual? I hear a lot on what high Ne looks like, but not how an inferior one appears.

Answer:

funkymbtifiction:

image

(Gif: Cinderella. ISFJ.)

ISXJs find the changeability of higher Ne’s troubling (one day, an NP believes this; the next, it believes the opposite), because to them it indicates a lack of being grounded / secure in who they are and what they believe; they tend to cling more firmly to established belief systems (their own) and keep Ne as a creative function through which they explore novel ideas, live vicariously through fictional characters or worlds. Their tendency can be to displace novelty and fantastical (unrealistic) ideas in favor of practicality; the inferior Ne believes many of their dreams are just that – dreams, impractical in reality and maybe unattainable (unlike the higher Ne, who willingly / naively believes they can succeed at anything, due to Ne overestimating its own talents, until they rapidly lose interest or the world teaches them otherwise). Inferior Ne’s pursue dreams as “outlets,” “hobbies,” and through art and creativity (instead of “living a life of Ne”).

Si/Ne approaches everything with detail first, so the ISFJ writer, for example, will be meticulous, detailed, and careful as they establish a writing world / attentive to the smaller things in the characters’ lives and then allow their Ne to carry the story in unexpected directions. This is the same approach they can have to life – careful, meticulous, and detailed, with a Ne eager to experience new things and ideas (especially ideas that do not conflict with Si). The healthy ISXJ wants to expand their worldview, to learn more, and to be able to think in unusual directions, but can sometimes doubt their ability to choose the right idea. (Ne, at its best, sees a multitude of ideas and selects the one with the most potential for positive outcomes.)

While they do have multi-directional thinking capabilities, external ideas can hit a barrier of former reference before they ever are fully analyzed by Ne. For example, an ISXJ raised in a strict particular religion might take an interest in a different religion / atheism or change their core theological beliefs but they must first reconcile these new ideas / perspectives (Ne) with their Si upbringing / former experiences to embrace them. Sometimes the Si aids in building up a grudge toward a certain belief system, way of life, religion, etc., because it is tied directly to the high Si’s memories, experiences, and negative associations.

Once Ne becomes more active, ISXJs can fall into two camps: one has little tolerance for abstract / philosophical / thinking or theorizing for its own sake (preferring “uses” for abstractions and examples for real-world application), the other is aware this can sometimes be difficult for them and often admires it in or is drawn to others who do it with greater efficiency. I’ve seen a tendency in ESFJs to idolize certain ENTP celebrities, because the celebrity uses efficiently two functions the ESFJ admires – strong Ne and strong Ti. The polar opposite is the ISXJ who has no patience for NP types; and believes them scattered, nonsensical, and erratic, with no interest in reading between the lines.

Because Ne is so low, the ISXJ is not always adept at seeing the “big picture” and may not notice how one idea contradicts or changes another. If the ISXJ is more of a “free spirit,” they may adopt a bunch of different, contradictory belief systems under which to operate (this is more common in NPs and  ESXJs). This is because Ne is simply “adding onto” Si rather than replacing old ideas.

Under stress and in the grip, inferior Ne becomes clumsily active – it starts generating all negative potential outcomes, sprawling in all directions, as the ISXJ loses touch with their natural ability to sort details and becomes lost in a world of abstract, vapid, frightening possibilities. The best example of this on screen is Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls whenever she’s under stress – she starts spouting all the horrible things that can happen as a result (she won’t get into college, she’ll never get a job, she’ll be homeless on the street, and wind up eating out of garbage cans, all because she failed ONE TEST).

- ENFP Mod

imanes:

“some things aren’t meant to last” ok but consider this: I love permanence and consistency

(via don-gero)